Monday, July 03, 2006


I hear voices, I look around. There is no one. I stare at the monitor, endlessly, trying to comprehend the silent voices blinking in front of my eyes. It didn't make sense and yet it did. Little black marks etched in pseudo-reality, reaching out in anticipation. Just like a ramdom mass of ants, scurrying about in fear of being trampled upon. A limitless dimension, an escape, where words are only meant to cloak the harshness of an abrasive mind compounded with the desire to forsake reality. But it can't as it is compelled to exist inspite of knowing better. Will their cries be heard in this chimeric infinite? Blink and it's gone.

I hear muffled sounds, conspiring, creating a warp from which i am isolated. An alternate world, one similar to mine, only I do not exist. I try to find its source but fail yet again. Am I caught in a parallel realm of reality from where everything seems so ambiguous and absurd? Maybe it is me who can't hear the voices, maybe the noise in my head is too loud. Maybe.

I tentatively close my eyes. The chaos blinds me before it subsides, like the ebb and flow of the vast ocean making a sublime reality, concrete. I can see now. I see a teeming mass foraging in the derelict recesses of my mind, feeding on the angst and insecurities, bound by shackles of impetuous alienation yet free in their concomitant existance. Lead by a bleeding heart which fails to see the outcome and yet is persistant on its path, in search of dellusionary glory. I felt the warmth of a tear on my cheek which escaped its obdurate bonds fulfilling its destiny. A sea of darkness takes over followed by nothingness. I lost my preordained fate in a drop of tear.I open my eyes, I can't see.

I talk loud just to hear my voice, the way it sounds, its peculiar resonance echos in my skull before being let out. It seems different from the last time, like a stranger's voice asking for directions or a voice raised in protest, trying to make a point. I am bemused by its extrinsic nature. It changes it's pitch as it pleases, determined to stay different from the previous, evading scrutiny whenever it can. A self evasive voice which doesn't want to be heard or so it thinks. I scream but I can't hear my voice. Maybe I never had one.

1 comment:

nessi said...

That was intense man, whats up bro, love the write up...concerned bout you though...long time you wrote something this dark...i like it